I deleted you
It can only be in this day and age, in this time period and with this technology that a friendship can be so fragile and so dependent on statuses, updates, tagging, hashtags--all these exclusions and inclusions online. It is only that today I can have a thought, a series of thoughts and a chain reaction to the very "shit" that has happened in my more recent life that has brought me here.
I deleted you.
For the first time in this age, it is possible.
I deleted you.
The internet never forgets but humans can. While I may not entirely capable of forgetting you (unfortunately) for me at this very moment although it is easy not to think of you, since I have made that possible by deleting you.
I feel this sort of great joy in doing so. Nothing we said is meaningful and worth archiving forever. So I deleted it. Funny how people kept telling me again and again it would be someone else I hold dear that would burn me, hurt me beyond belief. But no, it was you. And unlike him, I will not miss you. Perhaps on the occasion I shall consider our history and think about moments from our past. We had a shared history up until a very poignant moment when things changed forever. And I do consider that things would have been different and most likely better if you had not made those changes. It was inevitable though and perhaps the largest hint we would not last. Long distance relationships are so difficult and I suppose I made the mistake of trusting that you would not change your innermost self, but...you did.
You wanted to be accepted. You wanted to fit in. You thrive on popularity, something you will not admit. You cannot comprehend why people do not like you because that means you must admit your faults. You blame me for me not liking you, because if you admit why I dislike your behavior and why I have come to distrust you, then you must admit you are what you ARE. You hide behind your new life, new identity and new friends, but what are they? Changeable. You will always change. You are what you are. A chameleon.
You cannot accept me. And I cannot accept you. I deleted you because I do not want to keep you and I also do not want to have what cannot be restored. It's not like a process on the iPhone when you can retrieve data and restore your phone to how it was when it was last backed up. Nope. Not in the very least. You are changed. The person I have missed for over ten years is just that, a mere memory.
We have a problem becoming attached to dead ends. The dead end you chose was not me. And in return, I started to become more and more attached to my own very dead end who I will miss more than you. Who I care for. More than you. Hurts doesn't it?
Well I suppose you're no better than I. You would say the same. I know you would, because whether you like it or not. I know you better than you think I do. We are not so different you and I. And while both of you will deny it vehemently AND you will both simultaneously point out MY faults, MY shortcomings and bash me in with criticisms...
You think I am going to stay if you do this?
No.
I have communicated with you. And you with me. You two made it clear. And I made myself clear. I do not live up to your expectations and neither do you. So, this makes sense.
I deleted you.
For the first time in this age, it is possible.
I deleted you.
The internet never forgets but humans can. While I may not entirely capable of forgetting you (unfortunately) for me at this very moment although it is easy not to think of you, since I have made that possible by deleting you.
I feel this sort of great joy in doing so. Nothing we said is meaningful and worth archiving forever. So I deleted it. Funny how people kept telling me again and again it would be someone else I hold dear that would burn me, hurt me beyond belief. But no, it was you. And unlike him, I will not miss you. Perhaps on the occasion I shall consider our history and think about moments from our past. We had a shared history up until a very poignant moment when things changed forever. And I do consider that things would have been different and most likely better if you had not made those changes. It was inevitable though and perhaps the largest hint we would not last. Long distance relationships are so difficult and I suppose I made the mistake of trusting that you would not change your innermost self, but...you did.
You wanted to be accepted. You wanted to fit in. You thrive on popularity, something you will not admit. You cannot comprehend why people do not like you because that means you must admit your faults. You blame me for me not liking you, because if you admit why I dislike your behavior and why I have come to distrust you, then you must admit you are what you ARE. You hide behind your new life, new identity and new friends, but what are they? Changeable. You will always change. You are what you are. A chameleon.
You cannot accept me. And I cannot accept you. I deleted you because I do not want to keep you and I also do not want to have what cannot be restored. It's not like a process on the iPhone when you can retrieve data and restore your phone to how it was when it was last backed up. Nope. Not in the very least. You are changed. The person I have missed for over ten years is just that, a mere memory.
We have a problem becoming attached to dead ends. The dead end you chose was not me. And in return, I started to become more and more attached to my own very dead end who I will miss more than you. Who I care for. More than you. Hurts doesn't it?
Well I suppose you're no better than I. You would say the same. I know you would, because whether you like it or not. I know you better than you think I do. We are not so different you and I. And while both of you will deny it vehemently AND you will both simultaneously point out MY faults, MY shortcomings and bash me in with criticisms...
You think I am going to stay if you do this?
No.
I have communicated with you. And you with me. You two made it clear. And I made myself clear. I do not live up to your expectations and neither do you. So, this makes sense.
posted by Chinny at
4:55 PM
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