Why am I here?

I had a revelation last night that maybe all I am good at, I was good at in the relationship was physical. Maybe that's the only thing he liked about me. I feel disgusting.

I feel nothing but the fat on my body. I hear nothing but the on going thoughts in my head, the voice that just won't stop talking. I don't feel anything except something beyond depression, beyond sadness, beyond grief, beyond anger, beyond frustration. I don't know why I am here.

"Everything happens for a reason."

We met to break up. We met to fall apart. We met to fall out of love. I met him to question myself. I met him to cry. I met him to wish I would fall asleep and never wake up again.

"Get out. Date."

I feel like a penguin trapped on an ice bank knowing that orcas are out there, that leopard seals are out there. I feel like meat. Just a bit of ass here, some breasts there. I feel vulgar. I feel worthless. Just meat for the taking.

I feel less and less like a person. A person who was never loved, appreciated or cared for. I feel more and more that I am not deserving of any of those things because I must just be the most terrible person or lack there of. Not a person. Just a sad thing that nobody wants to deal with.

I feel that I just make people suffer. I just should disappear. I don't know why I take up a space in the world or why I live. I feel ashamed. Ashamed that he ever met me.

It saddens me to think he hates me, but I don't blame him. I'm not much to care about. Let alone love. The fact he is happier without me and will meet someone who he is happy with and makes him happy will just prove what a waste I am.

Nobody likes who I really am once you get past my looks, my voice and everything bodily about me. When you get down to the soul, people will run. Like he did. Like my parents can't and wish they could. I don't think my friends would even like me. I'm disgusting.