I wonder

I know I think too much, but I cannot help but wonder if you will think of me fondly. If you will remember all our of intimate history. Of all the things that transpired between us that were tender and sweet and loving. And if you will miss it like I do. I wonder I will ever see you again. I wonder if you will ever speak to me again.

I wonder if I will. If I will speak to you to you again. And what I might say.

I never said goodbye. Because I wonder if this is goodbye. Forever that is.

How can you just think of me like I was just nothing? Will I become a stupid story in your history you recite to the next girl you put designs on? Is that all I am to you? Just a story now? A big sigh of relief?

How you can you look in the mirror and not see how lonely you are?

When I look in the mirror, I see myself and I feel so happy seeing a friendly face and someone who loves me. You are alone though. I love myself and therefore I could love you. But now you're alone. The sad fact is, you don't even know it. Or maybe you're right, maybe you do prefer this way. Just have a girl in your bed every once in a while at your leisure, somebody who doesn't mess with your head or your heart because clearly it's too much for you to handle.

Yet that is what makes me so depressed. Thinking about how much you got me to love you and care for you and all you say is "thank you for caring about me so much but get a hold of yourself." You think I am just that? A hysterical woman who doesn't know what she is saying or feeling?

I look at myself in the mirror and see someone that you do not deserve. You lost your privileges. I am so much stronger than you and yet I have the tenderness, the honesty and the love to admit how much I do care for you despite the fact you are so undeserving and not worthy. Whatever person you think is better than me. You're wrong.

I wonder if you will ever understand that.