Pre-Valentine's Day

I'm supposed to be doing math right now. It's the eighteen homework and we're already on Chapter 8. I think Mr. F is doing better than last year, respectively speaking...I mean we're making better progress than last time, because we actually are getting farther along. We're supposed to be at like...Chapter...I don't know, past 10, I think.

Anyway, I'm listening to a Valentine Playlist on Imeem. People have been submitting them all week. This one isn't too bad:

"Right Here Waiting for You" by Richard Marx
"I'm Yours" by Jason Mraz <--I forgot...He was either a nominee or won a Grammy for this
"It's You" by I Hate Kate
"Oh, It is Love" by Hellogoodbye <--Very cute
"Iris" by The Goo Goo Dolls <--John Rzeznik I am in love with your voice! I LOVE THIS SONG
"Anywhere but Here" by Safetysuit
"Now and Always" by David Gray <--BORING. I hate his whiny sounding voice
"Your Guardian Angel" by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
"By your Side" by Sade
"Chasing Cars" by Snow Patrol <--Classic, I suppose, but "Chocolate" and "You're All That I Have" are better, in my opinion

Overall not bad. Well actually. I found most of them boring, but I like the Hellogoodbye one.

I have to say that these are my favorite romantic-esqe songs, happy or sad they are about love, requited or not!

Chinny's Valentine Playlist:

"Bleeding Love" by Leona Lewis ("I don't care what they say/I'm in love with you")
"Kiss Me Goodbye" by Angela Aki
"Mannequin" by Katy Perry
"Can't Take My Eyes Off You" by Muse (only it kind of sounds like the song is being sung from a drunk person's point of view)
"Starlight" by Muse
"The Scientist" by Coldplay
"Melt with You" preformed by Bowling for Soup
"Lovers in Japan" by Coldplay
"When the Moon met the Sun" by Panic! At the Disco
"Love Song" by Sara Bareilles
"Fall in Love" by Lena Park
"Sweet & Low" by Augustana
"Boston" by Augustana
"Somewhere Only We Know" by Keane
"With or Without You" by U2 and preformed by Utada Hikaru
"I Want You to Want Me" by Garbage
"Until" by Sting
"BON BON" by Hey Sey 7
"Stolen" by The Dashboard Confessional
"Kiss Me" by Six Pence None the Richer
"Tactics" by The Yellow Monkeys and preformed Lex Lang
"Won't Go Home Without You" by Maroon 5
"A Love Story" by Bennie K
"Come What May" preformed by Nicole Kidman and Ewan Mcgregor
"Your Song" preformed by Ewan Mcgregor and by Sir Elton John
"As Long As You're Mine" by the original cast of WICKED
"Kimi + Boku= Love?" by Tegomass
"You're All That I Have" by Snow Patrol
"Pop Star" by Ken Hirai

And I'm sure there is more. Way more. But that's all that I know for sure.

---

Now for the less warm and fuzzy stuff...Anisa Zuchini and the Blue Flash keep asking me about the status of my love life. The answer is and probably will be NON EXISTENT for a WHILE. I mean day to day, it doesn't change. And it hasn't changed in all of my middle school and high school years.

And you know what...As much as I've complained and lamented about my single status. I'm actually happier than you would think, you would imagine or you would know. I'm glad that I'm not pining after some guy, anymore. I'm glad that I'm not having to choose over a boyfriend or my friends. I'm glad I don't have drama. I'm glad that I'm not suspicious or jealous. I'm glad I live without that relationship-pressure and what not.

I mean yes, I miss those moments I had holding someone's hand. Just as simple as holding someone's hand. Or letting my head fall against his shoulder, since I'm and always been the shorter one. I miss someone like teasing me or hugging me in a not so plantonic way. I miss that.

But, I have friends. And a ton of them. I could not ask for anything more. I would never trade a friend for a boyfriend, even if I was alone my entire life. I'll be the crazy poodle lady. It's all good.

Yeah. And then I see the couples sucking face. And I see the girls getting roses, which I actually don't like. I don't want a bunch of roses. I would just like one long stem rose. I think that's classier and better. Don't waste your money on something that will just irritate my allergies further. I'd be so much more impressed by something the guy made. Even if it was cookies. He actually took time to make something for me. And even if it were bad. I'd be impressed.

Also...It dosen't have to be food. If the guy had a talent like baloon making. IF WE WENT TO PROM GIVE ME A BALLOON CORSAGE! I would be SO IMPRESSED. Or if he was a musican. Just play for me. It doesn't have to be a song you wrote. Just play for me. I love music. Or sing. I love music. I mean...Yeah, I'm not for cheesy romantic stuff. But I'd be touched if a guy did that for me. I'd do that for him.

I'd draw him a picture. Write him something. He wouldn't want me to sing. I can bake pies. I mean that's what I'd do.

I think my problem, or problem in the past is that I've been...I don't know. I can't let things go as easily as others. I obsess. I stick onto things. I try to make things better, fix things, but I make them worse. I wish I had that ability to know when a guy wasn't serious or was just fooling around. I mean half of the time, I never know if the guy likes me. Or if a guy liked me. I can tell if a guy likes my friend, but never me. I'm like immune.

I always guess wrong. This summer? I don't know what happened. I don't know what happened. I miss the feeling. And I only wanted him to know that I'm glad that, as much as it was painful and confusing, I'm glad it happened anyway. I got to know him, you, better. I understand you more as a person than just the former school popstar. And you're, he's wrong. Well, maybe he's right. People like him because he's good at singing, that is why he was popular. But I know him, because he was alone. I was alone also, for a long time.

Agh. It's hard to say what I mean. I just mean that I'm glad I could spend that time with him, to laugh and to scream together. It was fun. While it lasted. I'm sorry if I made him uncomfortable. I didn't mean to. I'm a noob to this love-ish-business. Yeah. And I also want him to know that...I am him now and he's me. We switched places.

And last thing, I promise, I want him to know that...If you used me. I told you. I told you that I was used before. It hurts you know. I hoped you knew that. But, I can forgive you. I just didn't know what you were thinking.

---

I don't like V-Day, because it gives couples more excuses to suck face. More so than usual. Or for couples to go near our corner at lunch and make out passionately while sliding suspiciously down the wall. Gross. And then maybe Madame will come out and scream at them. I hope so. PDA is completely unnecessary.

I mean we all know you're going out. Why do you require us to witness you two practically depriving one another of oxygen and exchanging saliva? Lauren and I went to a dance one year where a girl fainted, because she was kissing her boyfriend too long. I know things change when you're with someone you supposed "love", but please. Only in movies do you fall in love in high school.

That is my belief. At least. You don't know until you're out in the world and have lived longer than fourteen years and older. I'm a Senior. I don't know what love is. I haven't experienced it. Love in high school, is difficult for me to believe and believe in. I'm not just a crabby, single person saying this. I just don't find it serious. I mean...How do you know you want to commit yourself to someone forever when you've only known them for like...let's say four years and you are only like...sixteen, fifteen etc?

But that's not related to my dislike of V-Day. I know Sensei doesn't like V-Day either. We learned about it freshmen year. She hates it. I hate V-Day, because it's so commerical. A day for love? Can't everyday be a day for love? Like World Peace? I mean how lame is that. Stupid Hershey and Dove. But more importantly. WHAT ABOUT SINGLE PEOPLE? WE NEED LOVE TOO!

Couples. Pleh. They already have someone. They don't need more. Let alone more attention. Yeesh.

Anyway. I'm making cupcakes for Merry-Go-Round-Boy and the H-Squad. Also. We have plans. The H-Squad is going to watch all the of the Lord of the Ring movies (extend versions) over the April break or possibly the weekend after spring vacation. Anyways. We'll celebrate Black Day or Singles Day together. It's a holiday in Asia, Korea, I believe.