Dreams or Reality or Nightmares....Find Me Somebody To love

I wake up about every morning between the hours of 5:30/5:45 am to 6:30/6:45 am because that was the time when DB left that morning on Friday, January 18th. The morning, the day we separated. It was the last time of the day, that day, that morning that I saw him.

I had a dream about him. We were together. But he left again. His words just kept echoing in my head and I woke up immediately, shaken out of my sleep into the reality that is a nightmare. Even in my dreams things go wrong.

I wonder if there is ever a place that exists where we are still together,  happy and healthy, loving and loyal. In my memories. Safe and sound.

I didn't even cry. I think I'm just all out of tears but it doesn't mean that I'm not sad. I am. Very sad. Very tired. I'm tired physically, drained of tears. But not drained of how I feel for him.

It's true. You know it's love when ALL the songs make sense. Literally. Queen's "Somebody to Love" was playing. That is how I feel. But I know that somebody I want to love. I know that someone that I love and who is so incredibly special.

I miss him. I wonder what he's doing. Nothing bad I hope.

I hope he won't forget him. He can't. When I remember him. I remember everything. All those moments we shared. How can you stop loving me in those memories? And then remember I still exist. Because I feel that way.