Relax, Take it Easy

I know Mika, I know. I have such love for everybody who believed in me, and in him and of course in us. I have so many wonderful friends and family who just keep rooting us on and who seem to have such an innate understanding of me, in ways I didn't even know I knew. I seem to understand him better.

He said, "You're passionate aren't you?"

I said, "Yes. I am passionate."

"Is that a bad thing?"

He replied, "No. Not at all. It is good to be passionate."

Just that word alone made up for being the "saddest person he knew." I will never be that person again. He said quietly he was annoyed with me that week, but we are no longer scared or upset. We are so happy. Stress and sickness can really strain a relationship and a person. But he smiled and wrapped me in his smile and his warmth and kind words and we loved each other.

I am always wrong and hardly ever right about fear or worry. It was just as my fears confirmed. I must understand these at the truths and keep that awful logged conversation as a heavy reminder of what side effects can do to me.

I need to remember he is busy and that meeting every week is hard. Weekends are the only time he has for himself and although I am part of his life, he has his goals and I have mine. My first priority is to be a student. His is to his job. I have my future and he has his. We have each other. This is a fact. This is a truth.

Fear will destroy us and I do not want to lose him. I know he does not want to lose me either. The future is unwritten. I won't see him evertime I want to and I won't hear from him everyday or when I want to, but he won't forget. He has a lot going on in his mind but in the coils of his brain and body, I am there. I will not let him forget. And he won't.

I must be strong. I must be patient and understanding and tolerant.