The waiting game

It's shitty just being here not knowing what to do, what to think and knowing you can't do anything. You just have to wait. I can't sleep. I can definitely eat though. Eating too much I'm positive. I have nightmares and I wake up in the middle of the night. My stomach feels like it is churning and twisting. Probably on the account of all the stress. Buddy keeps a vigil by my bed side as if I'm dying. He keeps trying to get me to play with him and I feel for him. My family is concerned because they know how much I care. Nobody else knows what happened. Because I don't really want to talk about it. It's not that I don't think people would understand, but nothing has happened. That's the problem.

I feel like somehow he's gotten twice as far away and keeps dwindling farther and farther away.

I feel like he is also telling me goodbye even though he has not said that. It's better to be realistic and we're both that way. But I just don't know.

I don't want to be a pessimist but with everything that has happened. Who's to say anything is going to get better? It's the worst right now.

Please don't take him away. I don't want to say goodbye.