Whatever happens happens

I don't know what I can do other than apologize. I can also ask for forgiveness. I know things don't happen immediately. I don't expect them to. I forgave myself. I don't really know what for though or why. No, that's not true. I know why. I did. I forgave myself. Because I have to live with myself. It took me 20 years to accept this body and this voice and this mind and this person of mine. I can't go on like this and not forgive myself.

I will make amends. I have this ability now, I think I came of age in a way, I can look outside myself at myself and at other people. The world is no longer just about me. I can stop being selfish now. But it's not wrong to be selfish. Sometimes. In doses at the right time. I was allowed to be selfish for so long and I needed it. It helped me survive and it allowed me to live. But now, there's not just me in my world. I'm letting people in. They can always let themselves out. But I hope they come back.

I just wanted to say, "I love you."

It's not to really anybody or anybody you really are thinking of. It's to you. And you too. There's so many people I love. I just feel so happy.