Warm and Happy

He said he loved down town because of me. He associated the down town city with me and loved it because of me. I asked him about the street where we had first kissed, but he said he had been there a few times without me and so it didn't have the same feeling it invoked like down town. It warmed me when he said that, because I know that he isn't really fond of my state, so the fact that he loved this one place so much because it makes him think of us, really warms me.

We were so close and so warm and I was so happy.

We laughed together and talked and kissed.

I felt afraid, but I feel like I want to see this to the end. I want to go whenever this will take me. Whatever the outcome is, I will accept it, because in these golden moments no matter what happens, I'll never regret meeting him. At least at this time, he is the first man I have felt for, the first guy who has stood out from the rest. He is different and this time, different is good. Very good.

He fears that I put him on a pedestal and won't acknowledge he is human and flawed. I told him that's why I like him, because he isn't perfect and neither am I. We can be awkward together and he agreed.

He likes me and who I am and what I looked like. No matter the state. Sweating like a pudgy pig. Without make up, with. In bum clothes. In nice clothes. He told me that everything about me is "cute" or "pretty" and unlike others, I actually believe him. He makes me feel like I am.

His beard scratches my face. It's funny how I had always said I didn't like facial hair. I don't mind it on him, but it does scratch my fair. My skin is truly sensitive. I don't know why that is, but I suppose I'm more prone to itches and what not.

And then he told me he thinks he is falling for me.

Then I was scared.

I am scared.

I just think about what it means and what the future will bring. Where will we be?

I just can't imagine. I don't know. He doesn't know. But I want to try, whenever we're going. We'll go together. Nobody knows.

I like him so much, I have grown very attached to him.

He moves something in me and makes me smile so much. I am happy and very content. I feel like I can just relax and say anything that comes to mind around him, knowing he won't make fun of me or judge me. He doesn't necessarily agree, but that's OK.

He's so honest with me. I'm so thankful. I'm glad he doesn't hide anything or hold anything from me. I appreciate that so much.

I know I was in love once. As was he.

I don't know if I have fallen for him yet, I don't think it's impossible. I can't tell or predict my own feelings. I just know that I am very drawn to him and very comfortable around him.

I kissed him immediately when he told me.

He picked me up with more ease than I could have predicted and I felt dizzy and strange.

He always asks permission before doing anything. I told him that I would tell him if I was uncomfortable. I haven't felt uncomfortable yet.

I like him so much, no matter how afraid I was when he told me. I think I was just afraid because of how much time we've been together and how much time we have left.

I think I'm afraid because it's fast. And I wonder if it's too fast.

He doesn't seem to think so. He believes in his feelings. He trusts his feelings.

I guess I don't trust myself or my feelings.

"Give into love or live in fear."

I remember.