"Love is a Currency Unspoken Of"
I haven't been feeling well.
---
I've been feeling very nauseous in the way I think a pregnant woman experiences mourning sickness. Obviously, I feel that way just without the pregnancy part. I cannot fathom what brought this on, because when the gagging and nausea began, it was a month ago, June. June was temperate and cool, if not rainy. It is possible that the heat is aggravating whatever I'm experiencing.
I've lost about four pounds, I don't know if that is good or not on the account of exercising and minimizing sweets, but there are times when I just don't. Eat.
Don't be frightened. I am not starving myself. I am just not hungry. One day I drank a smoothie I had blended the day before and went all the way until 7 pm before I ate again. And even then I didn't gorge myself.
The bouts of nausea come and go. It's not a sharp, writhing pain in my abdomen or stomach, but just a strange feeling in the back of my throat like somebody is gripping me there. And from that point trying to force me to retch. I gag and feel at times like I truly will vomit.
I haven't. Only twice, but that was actually triggered by someone else vomiting. I have never been so sensitive before.
And other triggers...Brushing my teeth, the smell of WingStop (I actually asked DB if we could leave and sit outside in the evening HEAT to avoid the risk of having to go throw up in the place) and intense exercise...
Today I was exercising, it'd only been about 25-30 minutes if not less when I just felt the gags coming on. I stopped and quickly ran off.
God just typing about it is making me sick again...
But today at lunch, I felt really dizzy and weak. I just felt so light and yet heavy at the same time.
I miss DB but I didn't want him to see me like this. I'm literally exhausted and barely functionable. But I miss him still. Just a hug is all.
---
I haven't been feeling well.
---
I am being torn in two. My loyalties not threatened, but I feel like I am divided. I don't know what to do. No matter how I try to convince myself, I'm terrified.
I have reached a point in my life when I realized I am not the only one out there in the universe. There's some wonderful star that has entered my realm from another vast circle in space. It has me captivated and I want to be important in his life.
But, I am so invested.
I don't want her to feel like she's losing me or that I don't care or that I'll run off.
But I don't want him to feel like I'm abandoning him before we even began.
I'm treading the edge, the razor's edge and I could teeter off and hurt myself.
But worse yet, I could hurt her or hurt him.
I can't let that happen. Even if I lose myself in the expense.
I just don't know how to hold onto them both without losing one or the other.
---
I've been feeling very nauseous in the way I think a pregnant woman experiences mourning sickness. Obviously, I feel that way just without the pregnancy part. I cannot fathom what brought this on, because when the gagging and nausea began, it was a month ago, June. June was temperate and cool, if not rainy. It is possible that the heat is aggravating whatever I'm experiencing.
I've lost about four pounds, I don't know if that is good or not on the account of exercising and minimizing sweets, but there are times when I just don't. Eat.
Don't be frightened. I am not starving myself. I am just not hungry. One day I drank a smoothie I had blended the day before and went all the way until 7 pm before I ate again. And even then I didn't gorge myself.
The bouts of nausea come and go. It's not a sharp, writhing pain in my abdomen or stomach, but just a strange feeling in the back of my throat like somebody is gripping me there. And from that point trying to force me to retch. I gag and feel at times like I truly will vomit.
I haven't. Only twice, but that was actually triggered by someone else vomiting. I have never been so sensitive before.
And other triggers...Brushing my teeth, the smell of WingStop (I actually asked DB if we could leave and sit outside in the evening HEAT to avoid the risk of having to go throw up in the place) and intense exercise...
Today I was exercising, it'd only been about 25-30 minutes if not less when I just felt the gags coming on. I stopped and quickly ran off.
God just typing about it is making me sick again...
But today at lunch, I felt really dizzy and weak. I just felt so light and yet heavy at the same time.
I miss DB but I didn't want him to see me like this. I'm literally exhausted and barely functionable. But I miss him still. Just a hug is all.
---
I haven't been feeling well.
---
I am being torn in two. My loyalties not threatened, but I feel like I am divided. I don't know what to do. No matter how I try to convince myself, I'm terrified.
I have reached a point in my life when I realized I am not the only one out there in the universe. There's some wonderful star that has entered my realm from another vast circle in space. It has me captivated and I want to be important in his life.
But, I am so invested.
I don't want her to feel like she's losing me or that I don't care or that I'll run off.
But I don't want him to feel like I'm abandoning him before we even began.
I'm treading the edge, the razor's edge and I could teeter off and hurt myself.
But worse yet, I could hurt her or hurt him.
I can't let that happen. Even if I lose myself in the expense.
I just don't know how to hold onto them both without losing one or the other.
posted by Chinny at
1:04 PM
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