I don't want to let you go

I don't say much, I can't move much when we are together. I just seem to fall into this trance where I'm quiet and content and I just hold him, unmoving. I say nothing but sometimes he interjects with a comment or a question, often to kiss me. I haven't initiated a kiss that hasn't been a simple one on the cheek.

I will. I kiss back now which he thoroughly enjoys even though I have literally no idea what I am doing. I am just thankful whatever I am doing is something he appreciates.

We spoke of things beyond us. He respects me as a my own human being and I think he knows that I am strong despite the fact I am shy. He makes me shy around him, because I like him so. But I know he feels the same way.

He felt remorse and was sorry for ignoring me while we were together in public. He doesn't want others to know, because his group of friends which he admitted he is not fond of, give him shit because of everything. And me would just add more stress. He needs to loosen up, but I think it's just how he is. He apologized. He had been thinking about it like I had and knew that it was hurting me. I thanked him.

He's so nervous, it's amusing. He gets worried about me and always has suggestions, but not in a bossy or uncaring manner like my dad.

I am concerned about him taking things a little seriously. But then again, I can't really trust his "friends" as a good character reference. I feel like I know him better than they. They are known to be douches.

He wants to know exactly which guys are getting friendly with me, because I had told him one reason I wanted it to be known I was dating was because some guys I felt like were coming on to me. It is true. I haven't the slightest idea why though or what is bringing this on. One thing is for sure that it would be VERY awkward if one of his own friends was interested in me. I hope not, but it's...possible and that is NOT GOOD.

He got scared when I said I met an "amazing", "awesome" guy because he thought I was talking about someone else. He's such a wonderful person and doesn't even seem to know how much I like him. I've told him and tried to show him. I really don't want to let him go. I've said so.

I'm just trying to be realistic, because the future of a long distance relationship is bleak and many people are convinced that it will fail. Even I am apprehensive, but he wants to try but he knows it's hard and I know it's hard.

We are very similar in our thinking.

I just don't want to let him go. But I don't want to trap him here. I can't be selfish and keep him here, because he's older and he needs to go places. I'm three years behind him and my life is at a different place than his. I want him to be happy and I want him to find success where he can find it. It's not here.

He wants to see me and we tried to think of ways to make it work.

He asked me jokingly if I planned on moving to the tri-state area and I said, "I want to go, but probably not going to move there."

We mourned the fact we had met each other at such a bad time. And then we didn't want to speak about it anymore, but enjoy the time we had together.

We do. We really do.

He makes me want to let go of all my fears and believe in love.

He said that he wasn't in love with me when we met, but he feels like there is potential where his feelings are leading him. I am scared, but it thrills me at the same time. I know what love looks like and what it is, but I don't know how it feels just yet.

I know it is suffocating and nonsensical. I know what it does and what it wills, but I don't know. I have known him for two months. And I don't know.

I know that I have grown attached to him and that I like him very much. He knows it and he likes me back. Very much.

We only have a month left.