By My Side by David Choi

I'm a romantic cynic. I don't really like chick flicks and I despise Nicholas Sparks and find Harlequin novels hilariously awful. I really hate Twilight.

But I am in love with love. I admit.

I do want to be loved and I want to love someone. I'm such a noob when it comes to relationships and what not, I admit I have no idea what I'm doing. There are no rules and so many rights and wrongs, I'm so afraid.

But you must give into love otherwise you will live in fear.

I like so much of him, that I don't know why it took me long to understand how he felt. Or how he feels. I'm afraid he doesn't feel the same way anymore, which is crazy given what has happened. I know I am pretty crazy, but I think that just comes with the territory right?

I'm so worried about Buddy. My mom found vomit in the backyard. I don't know why he's sick or why I'm sick. I have bouts of nausea and haven't vomited, but I do gag quite a bit. The doctor believes I have what is called "silent acid reflux." I feel like I'm way to young to have that, but it probably was aggravated by stress.

He has this way of making me so calm and slow and warm and still. He said that I was cute. That I was beautiful in a way that no one has ever told me. He wanted me close and I wanted to be close. I didn't want to move. I just wanted to stay there entwined. I wanted him close and I still do. I am beginning to understand what has driven my friends to madness which I could never have fathomed until I met him and realized how much I like him.

It scares me as much as it thrills me.

I love the sound of his voice and his smile. He has these lovely lashes, which he informed me that many people have complimented.

He loves my skin, my hair. He thinks that I'm a sweetheart and a good listener. He was attracted to me upon meeting me because I wasn't put off by his accent and listened to him honestly. He said that I'm so open and friendly and easy to converse with.

I thanked him for being so patient with me.

I tried to kiss him back, but I don't really know how. I don't know lips, but I gave him a gentle reply on the cheek. He thanked me for that.

I love his hands. They are cool, cold compared to mine. He's so gentle, those soft caresses that just lulled me into a stupor.

I can begin to understand why people go crazy once they've experience this. Because it feels so good to be appreciated by another human being who is well, a special kind of friend.

I had an idea of what it was like, but naturally like all who are inexperienced and new, completely surprised.

And here I am, I am terrified I have lost him already. I'm scared that he's scared and will leave me like the others. He said that he didn't want to hurt me, knowing what I've been through. I don't want to hurt him knowing what he's been through.

Are we going to make it through?

I've got a stubborn heart for you.

I like you. I like you.

I like that he is so kind and how I can be so nervous and shy before seeing him, but once he speaks to me, I wonder how I could have ever felt that way.

He hasn't rushed me and always asks if I'm OK.

It's only been two stupid days and I miss him.

We acted friendly the last time we saw each other, but I'm afraid I spoke too much to him and reached out to him too fast. But he must know how I feel. He can't have forgotten.

I hope I can see him again. Because there isn't much time.