Friends Fighting

Bottom line is I hate it when friends fight.

I don't think people quite understand how it really affects me. I can feel the tension in the air like a fist around my heart, bloodying the organ into nothing but mush-matter. I can feel it like something compressing my lungs. I can feel like sting on skin or needles under fingernails. It's the worst feeling in the world to feel tension, to know it and to see it. I hate it when friends fight. I literally feel it. I feel the fight physically as well as emotionally.

And then I worry.

I worry more than most human beings. My worry tends to make me do irrational things or make the situation worse by me trying to fix things. I am famous for trying to fix things, but winding up making them worse. I have a problem.

I hate it when friends fight, because it makes me so depressed. It makes me doubt. Along with worry.

I also have an irrational fear or dislike of people that I really care about not liking me. It happens now and then that I think somebody dislikes me and is avoiding me and although I shouldn't do anything about it but wait for them to approach me instead of approaching them. I tend to do the opposite and make it worse. So I think I did.

In both scenarios. I think if worrying was life threatening, I'd be dead by now.