Define: "Moving On"

I don't like being told what will happen in the future. I don't think anybody does unless it involves "good things," you know like...living long and prospering, finding love, finding health, wealth and happiness. But ironically, being told that I will find love and be happy in the future and forget the happiness and the love that I feel right now...I don't like that. Granted, I could be happier than I am now. Not feeling this silence, this sadness that I feel off and on again from day to day. There are moments where I feel like I can accept anything that comes my way. Because I know I will have to.

I also accept that there is a love inside of me and it is attached with memories and happiness and it will have to live dormant inside of me. Maybe it will never grow and never be seen again, but it will always always be with me.

Is that what it means to "move on"? I don't like the sound of  "moving on" but it sounds better than obsessing, than dwelling and clinging. I don't want to be one of those people who can't become stronger and keep living. I want to be change but I also want to be hope.

It's been hard lately. Not because of just missing him. Which I do. I genuinely miss him.

I want to be alone sometimes. Being alone can be lonely but it is a space that nobody can fill. Only him and it is a space I have to learn to live without. I don't want to fill this special space with anybody new or old, because they won't fit and they aren't meant to be there. It's his space. It's just for him.

I don't like how I'm not being listened to or respected. I say what I mean and I mean what I say. People should listen to that, especially if they care about me. If they care than they will understand what I need right now. I know I could be nicer or kinder or cater to someone's needs but I need that from people right now. I am so tired. I get up in the morning and go through the day in a strange state of being that is often due to not enough sleep and the fact I am sick right now.

I am living though. I'm not stuck or without purpose right now. I'm doing work for my club, I'm actively pursuing a career for myself and I am working hard as a TA and fulfilling my duties as a student. I'm proud of myself.

I need time, space and respect. I need love, patience and support. I need these without condition.

I don't really know what "moving on" means and how to define it, but I know what I do not want it to mean.

I refuse to "move on" if it means "to forget", "to erase." That is not what I am trying to do.