Life as I know it
I am 21 years old. I have Mono. Classes officially began today. I am at home. I am crying. I have not eaten food for about two or three days, I can't remember. I have been drinking nothing but ginger ale because as of yesterday I have been vomiting stomach fluids or perhaps on the account the only other thing besides liquid that I have been "ingesting" has been Ibuprofen. A glorious diet. I am depressed. This is supposed to be my senior year in college. I planned to do my senior thesis this fall semester. I had another internship lined up for the fall with the hope of full time hire prospects. I was going to kick ass and get good grades again. I was going to learn and live and love.
Instead I am at home. My glands are so swollen they are taking up my face. My mouth reeks an odor which is unpleasantly familiar...My sister who swears she brushes her teeth twice a day but doesn't, that's what it smells like. This is abominable because I brush twice a day. I can barely brush now without gagging which is painful because my tonsils are so swollen that it feels like I have a sock knit from barb wire crammed down my throat. Swallowing anything is an effort. On top of Mono I may in fact have a sinus infection. I have inexplicable rashes all over my body which resemble and feel like mosquito bites. I have lost a significant amount of weight, probably water weight.
I have continuous nightmares every night when I can sleep which is only for a few hours. I toss and turn because I have sweats and fevers. I feel like this is Hell. This is what Hell is. This is the most sick aside from that stomach virus I got a months ago, the most sick I have ever been. I can barely function. Sitting up is an effort as is speaking. I sound like I am being choked. Legit.
I just can't function. I want to sit in a corner and cry because I don't know what to do. It has been mentioned and recommended that I should take a semester off. I don't want to. I have been through worse and pushed through with excellent grades, who is to say I can't do it again?
This time though I am so worn out. I'm exhausted as I type this. I am feeling very depressed. I feel very lonely. I haven't spoken to anybody. I'm alarmed how nobody seems to care really. Except for my family. My mom is doing so much for me. Buddy seems worried.
Instead I am at home. My glands are so swollen they are taking up my face. My mouth reeks an odor which is unpleasantly familiar...My sister who swears she brushes her teeth twice a day but doesn't, that's what it smells like. This is abominable because I brush twice a day. I can barely brush now without gagging which is painful because my tonsils are so swollen that it feels like I have a sock knit from barb wire crammed down my throat. Swallowing anything is an effort. On top of Mono I may in fact have a sinus infection. I have inexplicable rashes all over my body which resemble and feel like mosquito bites. I have lost a significant amount of weight, probably water weight.
I have continuous nightmares every night when I can sleep which is only for a few hours. I toss and turn because I have sweats and fevers. I feel like this is Hell. This is what Hell is. This is the most sick aside from that stomach virus I got a months ago, the most sick I have ever been. I can barely function. Sitting up is an effort as is speaking. I sound like I am being choked. Legit.
I just can't function. I want to sit in a corner and cry because I don't know what to do. It has been mentioned and recommended that I should take a semester off. I don't want to. I have been through worse and pushed through with excellent grades, who is to say I can't do it again?
This time though I am so worn out. I'm exhausted as I type this. I am feeling very depressed. I feel very lonely. I haven't spoken to anybody. I'm alarmed how nobody seems to care really. Except for my family. My mom is doing so much for me. Buddy seems worried.
posted by Chinny at
10:44 AM
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