The Start of a Snotty Summer
And when I say snotty it is in only reference to the fact I am suffering from allergies big time. It is going to be most likely a warm summer unlike last summer which was muggy, overcast and freezing but then again that's just how it is sometimes. Anyway, it seems thus far this summer will be sunny, cloudless and warm. But things aren't looking so great. The forecast seems a bit chancy. And I'm fucking not in any way ready to deal with it if this summer hails on me.
Why?
Because I got home to discover either a coincidence or the fact my parents and sister are too unobservant or negligent to realize that something is seriously wrong with our dog. Maybe I should have taken my dad's continuous comments about Buddy's muzzle being "greyer" than it was before, much more seriously. And yet that does sound like a contradiction given I just said my parents may be too unobservant. God I hate this. Buddy is so clumsy, uncoordinated and on medication that how CAN YOU TELL WHEN THINGS ARE WRONG? Well, let me tell you. He's not a weak dog. He's very strong. In fact so strong he usually has no idea how strong he really is or how big he is. But let me tell you. Today he seems small. He seems weak. And dizzy and he can't chase his toy or play tug o' war because he's keeps falling over. He's straining himself. He is also constantly following me around which is normal, but he can't do it without touching me. I tell you it's pissing me off. I sound awful. I do love my stupid dog. I really do. But I fucking can't deal with this now.
I can't have a sick dog. I can't do it. Not another summer. I can't have a summer where I am forced to watch my dog die again. I hate it. I should never ever have gotten a dog while I was still in college. Maybe Jennifer should have been my only dog. I don't regret adopting Buddy at all, I mean he's really been a great companion for my family. My sister isn't fond of him but my dad loves Buddy and my mom loves Buddy and yes, even though I am so fucking annoyed with him all the time and call him stupid, I love him too. But I don't spend enough time with him, I can't. Because I'm in college and this is why he is a family dog.
He can't stop panting. He keeps going into trances and wavering. He keep tripping over nothing and running into furniture. He keep pacing. These are usually habitual practices, but I can tell from the nuances that something is not quite right. When I went out to test him with a toy on the lawn, yeah he failed. He could barely run around without falling into a gasping heap and strained to get up.
I can tell you right now, I'm not going to spend my summer in bars or doing anything fun and related to being 21. I will use my paychecks to find out what the hell is making my 7 month going on 7 years dog sick.
I don't want to watch another happy dog descend into the oblivion without knowing I did everything to try to make them better.
Also to make matters worse. I know for fucking fact my high school friends are talking about me. So apparently I'm gossip material or not worth talking to. I've done a lot for all the of them. A lot. I took care of their dog when my dog was dying. I let them into my house when I knew their parents would kick them out. I worried about them. I missed them. But I do one thing to make myself happy and suddenly I'm the worst human being alive. Well, my amount of friends has plummetted and yeah now I'm one of those people who only has their partner. Brilliant.
And yeah did I mention that my dog may be dying?
I don't care how contrite and bitchy I sound right now. Yes I am acknowledging that like the hypocrite I am. I might mention as well that my back hurts and I still need to figure out whether or not to give Buddy a bath or would that exhaust him too much...And I have allergies. And I'm wondering why the fuck he's standing next to me when he clearly has no idea what the fuck is wrong with him or how to tell me except by following me around every fucking where I go and can't stop poking me with his goddamn nose.
I can barely stay cohesive and keep it together. I'm tired and need tissues all the time. I don't know what to do.
I just want to fall asleep and never wake up again.
Why?
Because I got home to discover either a coincidence or the fact my parents and sister are too unobservant or negligent to realize that something is seriously wrong with our dog. Maybe I should have taken my dad's continuous comments about Buddy's muzzle being "greyer" than it was before, much more seriously. And yet that does sound like a contradiction given I just said my parents may be too unobservant. God I hate this. Buddy is so clumsy, uncoordinated and on medication that how CAN YOU TELL WHEN THINGS ARE WRONG? Well, let me tell you. He's not a weak dog. He's very strong. In fact so strong he usually has no idea how strong he really is or how big he is. But let me tell you. Today he seems small. He seems weak. And dizzy and he can't chase his toy or play tug o' war because he's keeps falling over. He's straining himself. He is also constantly following me around which is normal, but he can't do it without touching me. I tell you it's pissing me off. I sound awful. I do love my stupid dog. I really do. But I fucking can't deal with this now.
I can't have a sick dog. I can't do it. Not another summer. I can't have a summer where I am forced to watch my dog die again. I hate it. I should never ever have gotten a dog while I was still in college. Maybe Jennifer should have been my only dog. I don't regret adopting Buddy at all, I mean he's really been a great companion for my family. My sister isn't fond of him but my dad loves Buddy and my mom loves Buddy and yes, even though I am so fucking annoyed with him all the time and call him stupid, I love him too. But I don't spend enough time with him, I can't. Because I'm in college and this is why he is a family dog.
He can't stop panting. He keeps going into trances and wavering. He keep tripping over nothing and running into furniture. He keep pacing. These are usually habitual practices, but I can tell from the nuances that something is not quite right. When I went out to test him with a toy on the lawn, yeah he failed. He could barely run around without falling into a gasping heap and strained to get up.
I can tell you right now, I'm not going to spend my summer in bars or doing anything fun and related to being 21. I will use my paychecks to find out what the hell is making my 7 month going on 7 years dog sick.
I don't want to watch another happy dog descend into the oblivion without knowing I did everything to try to make them better.
Also to make matters worse. I know for fucking fact my high school friends are talking about me. So apparently I'm gossip material or not worth talking to. I've done a lot for all the of them. A lot. I took care of their dog when my dog was dying. I let them into my house when I knew their parents would kick them out. I worried about them. I missed them. But I do one thing to make myself happy and suddenly I'm the worst human being alive. Well, my amount of friends has plummetted and yeah now I'm one of those people who only has their partner. Brilliant.
And yeah did I mention that my dog may be dying?
I don't care how contrite and bitchy I sound right now. Yes I am acknowledging that like the hypocrite I am. I might mention as well that my back hurts and I still need to figure out whether or not to give Buddy a bath or would that exhaust him too much...And I have allergies. And I'm wondering why the fuck he's standing next to me when he clearly has no idea what the fuck is wrong with him or how to tell me except by following me around every fucking where I go and can't stop poking me with his goddamn nose.
I can barely stay cohesive and keep it together. I'm tired and need tissues all the time. I don't know what to do.
I just want to fall asleep and never wake up again.
posted by Chinny at
12:38 PM
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