Today
Today I realized that I think one day when I am ready in all ways. Physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually and financially. I would like to be be a mother. One day when I am all grown up.
I met my friend Stefanie's friend, May and her boyfriend, Anthony and their little baby boy Archie. He is of course like all babies, very cute. He kept sneezing snot, but none of his bodily functions or his cries disturbed me. Of course he is not my baby. They are always cuter than they aren't yours right? Dogs included. But there was something very warm and happy seeing how devoted his parents were. They were not much older than I, probably in their early twenties as May was Stefanie's schoolmate. They were very much in tandem with each other though. Nobody is perfect but they were content. Both partners were fond of each other, referring to one another as "babe" and able to talk freely about silly situations about themselves. Nobody was disgusted by bodily functions or products from the body. Both partners were engaged in the baby and with one another. It was very nice. I felt like I wanted that. With or without the partnership. Someday when I know I'm old enough, have the security and the cushion of a good budget and the time is right, everything for once in life is in synch, I want to become somebody's mother. That someone does not have to come from me. There are so many ways to make a family and I'm open to adoption. I always have been.
I just saw what I saw today and thought to myself, that's what I want someday. Not right now but someday when everything is right. Someday.
It was funny, I had mentioned that to him and he said, "Well we can adopt one but we could also have one of our own." He freaked himself out and said it was too early. All I have to say is I wasn't the one to bring that up. The thought is just one for the future, I want to enjoy being young. I should be enjoying myself more instead of living in fear.
I think that is something he could teach me if I'm patient enough and have enough trust. And if we can make it together. I'm learning to give into love instead of living in fear. I have to do things on my own time, but I will always. I am living and I am loving.
In the heat of finals. I wish so badly for them to be over already. I hate in class finals. I have been so spoiled by the lack of in class finals over these years because of being so heavily involved with Ethnic Studies and English professors who don't have in class finals. Ugh. The ONE professor who has to have an in class final!
Also...I am dreading packing up my room. I really am. I hate it. I hate packing and unpacking. I should get used to it though. I mean I've done it every year since I've been in college. My goodness, it's not THAT big of a deal. And yet I resist EVERYTIME. I don't know why...I just do.
And then...What will happen when I graduate?
God this summer. I must try to secure a job. Must do my very very best! Who knows what is going to happen in the future? I'm excited.
Just have to get through this week. I hope something good will surprise me because I feel like I need some coddling right now. I want to be cuddled.
I met my friend Stefanie's friend, May and her boyfriend, Anthony and their little baby boy Archie. He is of course like all babies, very cute. He kept sneezing snot, but none of his bodily functions or his cries disturbed me. Of course he is not my baby. They are always cuter than they aren't yours right? Dogs included. But there was something very warm and happy seeing how devoted his parents were. They were not much older than I, probably in their early twenties as May was Stefanie's schoolmate. They were very much in tandem with each other though. Nobody is perfect but they were content. Both partners were fond of each other, referring to one another as "babe" and able to talk freely about silly situations about themselves. Nobody was disgusted by bodily functions or products from the body. Both partners were engaged in the baby and with one another. It was very nice. I felt like I wanted that. With or without the partnership. Someday when I know I'm old enough, have the security and the cushion of a good budget and the time is right, everything for once in life is in synch, I want to become somebody's mother. That someone does not have to come from me. There are so many ways to make a family and I'm open to adoption. I always have been.
I just saw what I saw today and thought to myself, that's what I want someday. Not right now but someday when everything is right. Someday.
It was funny, I had mentioned that to him and he said, "Well we can adopt one but we could also have one of our own." He freaked himself out and said it was too early. All I have to say is I wasn't the one to bring that up. The thought is just one for the future, I want to enjoy being young. I should be enjoying myself more instead of living in fear.
I think that is something he could teach me if I'm patient enough and have enough trust. And if we can make it together. I'm learning to give into love instead of living in fear. I have to do things on my own time, but I will always. I am living and I am loving.
In the heat of finals. I wish so badly for them to be over already. I hate in class finals. I have been so spoiled by the lack of in class finals over these years because of being so heavily involved with Ethnic Studies and English professors who don't have in class finals. Ugh. The ONE professor who has to have an in class final!
Also...I am dreading packing up my room. I really am. I hate it. I hate packing and unpacking. I should get used to it though. I mean I've done it every year since I've been in college. My goodness, it's not THAT big of a deal. And yet I resist EVERYTIME. I don't know why...I just do.
And then...What will happen when I graduate?
God this summer. I must try to secure a job. Must do my very very best! Who knows what is going to happen in the future? I'm excited.
Just have to get through this week. I hope something good will surprise me because I feel like I need some coddling right now. I want to be cuddled.
posted by Chinny at
8:45 PM
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