I hate this

I hate this. I hate how it's past midnight. I'm still doing homework. I'm totally stuck and I can't think anymore. I'm crying and I still have more to do. I'm panicking because I think I'm weak. I think Dhruv thinks I'm weak. I think he's mad at me, after he thought I was mad at him.

I was disappointed in myself. I think I'm a crybaby. He thinks I'm really sensitive. I am really sensitive. Which makes me upset and makes him upset. So I'm crying which means I'm probably am really weak and sensitive and a crybaby. Wow fulfills everything doesn't it.

I feel stupid for everything I have or haven't done. I talked to SK yesterday and I felt so good today and yesterday and now I feel like shit. I feel like I can never be happy and I just make myself unhappy. He makes me unhappy. I make him unhappy. I make myself unhappy. I am...I don't know. Un. Or. Happy. I don't know.

I texted him three times. No reply. He could be asleep. He could have his phone off. He could be ignoring me.

I can't think anymore. I can't figure out what to do. I have so much reading to do. I just want to leave and never come back. I'm so tired. But I can't sleep. My stomach is all in knots. I don't know what to do.

I'm just so afraid that everybody will see who I am, that he's finally seen who I am and will run away. Just like some people have in the past. My past. My pathetic past.

I don't want to be weak. It makes me so depressed to think that I am. I want to be strong. I was. I was in a happy place. And now I don't know where I am anymore. I'm so scared of failing.