Sleepless

I've had nightmares before. Many actually. I had a dream early this morning that he broke up with me. Based on the way I've been acting lately which he keeps excusing with "It's fine" I would not blame him. In fact, in a way I would encourage it. I am a deserving person. I should be confident. I should be strong. He says that I am his strength. And yet, I'm so weak.

During a strange outburst which was probably on the account of a lack of sleep and PMS, I told him that if we for whatever reason parted, I probably would not venture to date or seek out a relationship. He interpreted this to mean I'd hurt myself and began this philosophical talk about life. It was not uncalled for. I was acting like a drama queen and pretty pathetic. He would hate me for saying all this. But, I realized this morning I am weak and I am like Daniel. I don't want to be like that. Because although I want him and I need him, I have no right to keep him to myself. Forever. Even if that is how we truly feel at this time.

I just feel like I've ruined everything. I want to talk to him about it but I don't know how. I don't know how to approach this,

I feel like I just keep driving him away. We have had no fights. No arguements or even disagreements. I mean in a serious fashion. Maybe this is it. No. It can't be.

This is killing me. My mom notices. I wonder if he does too.

I really feel like something is wrong with me and I have no justification for it. I need to talk to somebody. He says I could tell him anything.

He's never been mad at me. But recently I've screwed up and I have seen him get pretty tense with me. It's not uncalled for. I don't know what to do.

What have I done? Everything was fine until we went away.