Officially...Friday
TGIF! And in no relation what so ever to that crappy Katy Perry song. Freaking hate like...99% of her songs. Anyway, hopefully sometime today, probably hours from now, I shall receive some sort of update and confirmation regarding the status of when I will receive a most expected house guest after all this unnecessary grief induced drama that ensued after a very ill informed message on the part of a clueless manager. Why am I such a useless English Major? I continually compose run-on sentences. So much for my dreams of grad school...
Also I have to say. A whole week went by. Well almost, it would have been a week if it was Sunday to Sunday, but anyway. It has been officially 5 days since it is 1:02 AM right this very moment, and I have not cared (well not cared-cared, you know what I mean!) about not talking. I mean I don't usually since we don't talk on a day to day basis at regularly scheduled times like other friends of mine, but I do notice his lack of presence generally so probably due to the amount of cleaning and brushing of Buddy...I guess I mastered and/or conquered "it." But now I'm ready to talk! Just have to wait a bit. A bit longer that is.
Today I bought make up and it was expensive. I know it's not surprising but I'm such a cheapo. I do want the good stuff, but all the "training make up" I asked my friends to buy (which wound up all coming from Claire's rather than CVS, which is totally fine) I still am in possession of. I swear I have enough eye make up to last until the end of the world. Almost every pigment, shade, color and/or tint. For what my friend S-Money has in nail polish, I have in eye shadow colors. Sparkles included. And tones.
Anyway the make up I bought was not all eye related...Although I did buy 3 sparkly, silver, black and bronze eye liners from VS. I talked myself out of the eyeshine eye shadow they were selling because it is ridiculously overpriced. Well it all is, but the eye liners were about the same as the lipstain I purchased. OK well...the lipstains were more than the VS eyeliner but maybe that is saying something! Anyway, I am so happy with it. I can eat, drink, attempt to smear it off...BUT NOT SMUDGES! And there isn't plumper or anything so my lips may be coated in chemicals and long named unidentified-by-a-clueless-consumer-namely-myself-product but my lips aren't burning or experiencing any sort of worrisome sensation that may require a dermatology/hospital visit. I'm rather proud of myself although it's not like lipstain use is a remarkable accomplishment. The results however are very satisfactory. When I applied it and I guess was bathing in the warm afterglow of my success, I completely believed myself to be pretty "hot" but as the night wore on into the ungodly hour of the morning, pre-dawn...I began to feel like week-old-desperately-in-need-of-refreshing-reviving-and-microwaving-leftover-turkey as opposed to a "one hot mama." I think I look I was in a production of a play but fell asleep in my stage make up which is of course overexaggerated to give myself a better appearance so that I may be recognized as a specific character by the audience in the balcony, as they are sitting from such a great, great distance (some without binoculars).
But wohoo! No smudging! Water and food proof!
Straight from CVS, as recommended by the underpaid doorwoman from the Emeryville Sephora. I love how she was whispering about the CVS CoverGirl lipstain line because she didn't want the make-up-snobs aka Police to know she wasn't spending obscene mula on her lip products. I don't know why she was so embarrassed or even ashamed. She should say it loud and proud...But yeah I would want to remain employed AND respected. Anyway, good advice even if it cost like...$10 or so. Tax not included.
Well anyway apart from make up.
Today didn't go sooo badly. I guess I am paranoid when it comes to my high school friends, but can you really blame me? I mean really.
I don't have regret, because I didn't do anything out of spite or with the intention of hurting anybody or because I wanted to be perceived in a hypocritical manner. What I choose to share or not share about my personal relationship and our intimacy is of course going to be filtered and censored by me...I want to share with my friends of course but sometimes you just can't. Always. Do that. With ease or perfectly. I mean, well, life isn't that neat or organized or EASY. For crying out loud. Clearly.
Anyway. I'm paranoid and have an overactive imagination. So I've been told repeatedly but I can't help feel a little isolated. Like I'm being punished or in the dog house. And/Or...Seriously what's the difference? I just don't want to be alone. In any respect. I don't want to lose people. I don't want to lose what I have now and what I had then. I have to let go of course of what was in the past because it's in the past. You can't change the past. Because duh, things have changed. That's what you can always count on: change. Things will never stay the same but you don't know if things will become better or worse. As once a wise but somewhat strange academic advisor once told me...after explaining the workings of toilet-meditation to me...Good advice though however awkward.
I just want to have friends and a boyfriend. I don't want to be alone and without one or the other. It's hard juggling both, but people do it. I mean you can't just have a relationship and that's it. I mean I can't. We both have to have friends that we interact with, we can't rely on one another solely for companionship. I mean exclusive reliance is, let's face it, a relationship-killer. I don't want to sequester him and he doesn't want to do that to me. But I most certainly do not wish for my friends to isolate me either.
Also I have to say. A whole week went by. Well almost, it would have been a week if it was Sunday to Sunday, but anyway. It has been officially 5 days since it is 1:02 AM right this very moment, and I have not cared (well not cared-cared, you know what I mean!) about not talking. I mean I don't usually since we don't talk on a day to day basis at regularly scheduled times like other friends of mine, but I do notice his lack of presence generally so probably due to the amount of cleaning and brushing of Buddy...I guess I mastered and/or conquered "it." But now I'm ready to talk! Just have to wait a bit. A bit longer that is.
Today I bought make up and it was expensive. I know it's not surprising but I'm such a cheapo. I do want the good stuff, but all the "training make up" I asked my friends to buy (which wound up all coming from Claire's rather than CVS, which is totally fine) I still am in possession of. I swear I have enough eye make up to last until the end of the world. Almost every pigment, shade, color and/or tint. For what my friend S-Money has in nail polish, I have in eye shadow colors. Sparkles included. And tones.
Anyway the make up I bought was not all eye related...Although I did buy 3 sparkly, silver, black and bronze eye liners from VS. I talked myself out of the eyeshine eye shadow they were selling because it is ridiculously overpriced. Well it all is, but the eye liners were about the same as the lipstain I purchased. OK well...the lipstains were more than the VS eyeliner but maybe that is saying something! Anyway, I am so happy with it. I can eat, drink, attempt to smear it off...BUT NOT SMUDGES! And there isn't plumper or anything so my lips may be coated in chemicals and long named unidentified-by-a-clueless-consumer-namely-myself-product but my lips aren't burning or experiencing any sort of worrisome sensation that may require a dermatology/hospital visit. I'm rather proud of myself although it's not like lipstain use is a remarkable accomplishment. The results however are very satisfactory. When I applied it and I guess was bathing in the warm afterglow of my success, I completely believed myself to be pretty "hot" but as the night wore on into the ungodly hour of the morning, pre-dawn...I began to feel like week-old-desperately-in-need-of-refreshing-reviving-and-microwaving-leftover-turkey as opposed to a "one hot mama." I think I look I was in a production of a play but fell asleep in my stage make up which is of course overexaggerated to give myself a better appearance so that I may be recognized as a specific character by the audience in the balcony, as they are sitting from such a great, great distance (some without binoculars).
But wohoo! No smudging! Water and food proof!
Straight from CVS, as recommended by the underpaid doorwoman from the Emeryville Sephora. I love how she was whispering about the CVS CoverGirl lipstain line because she didn't want the make-up-snobs aka Police to know she wasn't spending obscene mula on her lip products. I don't know why she was so embarrassed or even ashamed. She should say it loud and proud...But yeah I would want to remain employed AND respected. Anyway, good advice even if it cost like...$10 or so. Tax not included.
Well anyway apart from make up.
Today didn't go sooo badly. I guess I am paranoid when it comes to my high school friends, but can you really blame me? I mean really.
I don't have regret, because I didn't do anything out of spite or with the intention of hurting anybody or because I wanted to be perceived in a hypocritical manner. What I choose to share or not share about my personal relationship and our intimacy is of course going to be filtered and censored by me...I want to share with my friends of course but sometimes you just can't. Always. Do that. With ease or perfectly. I mean, well, life isn't that neat or organized or EASY. For crying out loud. Clearly.
Anyway. I'm paranoid and have an overactive imagination. So I've been told repeatedly but I can't help feel a little isolated. Like I'm being punished or in the dog house. And/Or...Seriously what's the difference? I just don't want to be alone. In any respect. I don't want to lose people. I don't want to lose what I have now and what I had then. I have to let go of course of what was in the past because it's in the past. You can't change the past. Because duh, things have changed. That's what you can always count on: change. Things will never stay the same but you don't know if things will become better or worse. As once a wise but somewhat strange academic advisor once told me...after explaining the workings of toilet-meditation to me...Good advice though however awkward.
I just want to have friends and a boyfriend. I don't want to be alone and without one or the other. It's hard juggling both, but people do it. I mean you can't just have a relationship and that's it. I mean I can't. We both have to have friends that we interact with, we can't rely on one another solely for companionship. I mean exclusive reliance is, let's face it, a relationship-killer. I don't want to sequester him and he doesn't want to do that to me. But I most certainly do not wish for my friends to isolate me either.
posted by Chinny at
1:19 AM
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