Can't sleep

I've been since 3:00 am when I had to pee because my bladder apparently is that of a 60 year old woman's. So...been up for about two hours now. He should be taking off any second now. It's two hours ahead. He verified my sister's name. She was telling her friends last night (two gal pals of hers slept over) that he was coming. I think she is excited. It is big news. I mean it is major. Personally so. I've never had anybody. You know that. And the fact he is going to meet my parents well...I think it means something. He almost went to India, but that decision was reversed on the same day. I can barely believe how much has happened...

Well I decided to track the flight. According to Real Time Flight Tracker, he is not actually airborne but "scheduled" which is what that refers to. So I guess they are getting a later start than realized. Using two sites.

I got a message from a friend, Jenny. She was so sweet. I mean that sounds really generic and just "nice" but I really am touched. That is a better, an accurate description of how I feel. It's hard to express, strangely. I mean she didn't have to validate my feelings, she didn't have to think about me. I'm not her charge. I'm of course a friend of hers, but she didn't have to share, she didn't have to care about my problems. But she did. And she checked in on me. Nobody else has done that. I couldn't believe it. Wow, I'm so glad to know her. I know now that I could go to her. That is a very very comforting to know. 

Schedule departure a little past 7 am. It's 5 am here. So 7 am there.

It's lonely to know or to suspect, to speculate that your friends hate your guts. I mean hate your guts is a strong term. But I'm not angry or resentful. I'm tired. I feel sad. I don't really know what to do. What can amend the situation? If I became "forever alone" would they take me back? But I don't want to be "forever alone." I know they do not either which is frankly why The Pact came into being. However that's another thing I've been cut out of, because I am...I don't know? I know they feel betrayed. I know they have a right to be surprised and are entitled to their feelings. I do not feel it's wrong at all. But what happened and how I feel, I am entitled to that as well.

I fell in love. I don't know what else to say.

I don't understand why two websites...Have two different reports. One says the flight is airborne the other says it has never left. I guess I'll use the one I clearly like better.

I should really sleep. But I can't!