Something I may have the heart to say one day

This is something I may have the heart to say one day
Here is something I may have the heart to say one day
Something soft as pillow talk
Something as tender as a unfurled young green
Something as strong as spider silk
Something that will not go sour like rancid milk
Something as infinite and finite as a circle
Something with no end like a line
To you
For you
In languages unspoken.

You want to know why I cry every time I have to say goodbye to you?
You want to know why I do that?

You want to know when I realized was in love with you?
One day I will have the nerve to say

At first we became magnets full of mutual attraction. We are not polar opposites.
I was drawn to you after I saw who you are under your skin. When told me who you were, who you are and who you want to be.

You learned how to say goodbye to the ones you love and how to live apart from them. This does not mean you do not love them or love them less, I know. When you fall in love, you will encounter a person you never want to say goodbye to. You will not seek to make your life revolve around your relationship but do what it takes to make your relationship a part of your life. When you have the will to do this and when you desire nothing else but to be with this person, that is when you know you are in love. You know how to say goodbye to the ones you love.

People walk in and out of my life. People come and go as they please. I can't ask people to stay with me. I want them go and the ones who come back, are the ones who last. There are people I do not mourn their losses. I learned from the mistakes we made or from the cuts, bruises and burns they inflicted upon my skin which toughened over time. I am seasoned now and used to disappointment, used to rebound and resolved to live my life independent and alone.

You made me realize how I don't want to be alone. You made me realize that I am not as ugly as I believed. You made me feel weightless.

When I realized I was in love with you, it was when I realized how I could never say goodbye to you. How if you said goodbye to me and did not come back, I would struggle to detox from you. How I knew I could live without you, because I did for a good deal of my life, but knowing you exist in the world...would devastate me you know? You are such a wonderful person. There are wonderful people in this world. Good gracious, I know you are not perfect. You and I are on a similar pedestal. We are fragile, silly, stupid human beings with tendencies to annoy and to irritate. No, that's wonderful too!

I was scared to let you in, because I would be in a position where somebody could get to know me and then hurt me. Cut me deep. Have power to destroy me. I have built myself back up and learnt from each experience, but I want to keep learning from you. I want you to learn from me. I realized I was in love with you when I realized I wanted to build with you.

When I wanted you. I wanted you to see me. I am shy, but I am not scared. You move something in me and you make me feel warm. I wanted to make something with you. And when we are together, you never take from me. You don't just give either. We make something together.

That's when I realized I was in love with you.

That's why I can't help but cry when you go away. And I feel so anxious wondering when you will come back.

I want to hold you and I don't want to let you go.

But I realized when I was in love with you, I realized I love you and that I love you enough to let you go free. I want you to be happy. I want to see you fulfill your dreams.

If I don't exist in them anymore, then who am I to hold onto you when you want me to let you go?

I am in love with you.

When I say "I love you". That is what I am saying.

This is what I am saying.