"Follow your heart and find your Destiny"

Well, Angela Aki I can safely say that I have violated the rule of "Kiss Me Goodbye", because I certainly "shed a tear for Love's mortality."

I don't want to believe that Love is mortal, because I want to believe that Love is not something more substantial and less cliche than "everlasting", but rather Love doesn't need a physical manifestation, but rather when the passion is gone and the bodies age and lovers become dust that the Love will still be there, whenever they go.

I need to cast all my fears into the sky. But I feel like I need to get them all down here first.

Last night, we met in our SJ. He called the little park in the middle of downtown, "our favorite place" and when we were trying to determine where to go initially, he had called Castro, "our Castro."

What I'm trying to say is this.

He had said that he felt like he was falling for me. Exactly when, last Sunday. A week ago. His whisper made me kiss him in response although the notion made me fearful, because I wasn't sure how I felt in return. I've kept it in the back of my mind and the fore front of my mind, during this time. Although it was on the back burner, due to myriad internship things like the showcase.

But now that the internship is coming to an end, at least my time is and last night he mentioned the day of his departure and the time of his flight. Airplanes always fly overhead, and we always look at them and I wonder if we are thinking the same sad thought. Having the same revelation that being together will end at a date that is approaching faster than we care to think about.

My parents and his parents care about us so much. They don't want to see us hurt and remind us that distance is difficult. Distance makes a heart fonder, but more often, forgetful.

With no trust, there is no love. Jealousy. Yes Jealousy will drive you mad.

You say my love is all you need, but I know these words aren't quite true.

Are they though? If so, I want to know. I need to know, because then I can let you go along with my love.

Yes. That is what I think I stumbled across this morning along with some tears which I regretfully shed. I really don't like crying. But it is a necessary function as a human being. And an emotional one at that.

Go if you must go on alone, I am going to make it on my own. I know I can, I did before I met him and I can do it again. It will hurt as I detox, but I can do it.

But I don't want to. I can live without him, but I don't want to. That is the big realization I've been having.

He is not perfect. He feared that I put him on a "pedestal." I don't. No, not like that. I don't idolize him, I know he is not perfect and I wouldn't want him if he was.

I know he is flawed, but his flaws do not repel me. They do not anger me or disappoint me. Like they would someone else.

I know that I am not perfect. God I know I'm not. But he likes me anyway.

Yesterday he talked about his passion for soccer, he talked about his confusions about the future in the job market, he talked about about how unhappy he was when he wasn't playing soccer and now that he "has me."

I am glad I am important to him. He is important to me, in ways I have not told him.

He said that he was fickle and forgetful. I know he is. It would only scare me if that were applicable to his feelings. Is he fickle and forgetful about his feelings? About me?

And this distance that will stretch far and wide between us. Very soon. What will happen then?

It's something I know we have both talked about and feared. We have a sort of plan, and we know not about the future.

Despite all that could or will happen, I want him to be happy. I want him by my side.

I normally wouldn't say something like that, because when I said things like that in the past it terrified the recipients.

What I want to tell him is that. I discovered this gray cool morning that I think I care for him more than I had initially thought.

It won't be easy and it won't be painless, but I am willing to fight and grow. I really want to stay there on his side. Otherwise, I will let him go and he can cast all your fears into the sky.

I want to tell him how I feel, not in an email, not in a text, not through IM or on the phone. But in person. I know he probably is going to code today, but I need to tell him. Because he had the courage to tell me honestly the truth about how he feels and I need to do the same.