So it's not that I don't have friends...

I do have friends.

It's just that sometimes, lately I feel like I don't have any friends. There's a big difference between feeling and believing. Like reality and fantasy.

I do have friends. I feel I don't have friends.

I feel like I shouldn't have friends. Or any relationships. I'm way too critical and unaccepting of things that are of...elevated value to my friends. But I can't relate. Or maybe, I won't relate.

Am I a terrible friend? Or am I a good friend, because I don't?

I'm jealous. I've never had three guys after me at all that weren't fucking creepers or losers. And obviously not simultaneously. How petty am I?

She must be so happy knowing that she has a "better life" than I do.

For once in my life, I'd like my parents' friends to see me as a good example. Not as something comparable or inferior to their kid.

But that's my life.

I'm not a race horse. I'm not worth believing in or betting on, because you know...Apparently I'm not good enough for the track.

I'm the one the race horses race against and lose all the time, because it boosts their confidence.

Fuck you. I'm Seabiscuit.

Even Seabiscuit, he was a bitch, but he had friends.

You're my friends right?

I love you guys and that's why I hate you guys so much, because you make me worry and love you too much to lose you all.