I don't give a damn if it's you, Britney. Bitch.

Girl or woman. Woman or girl. A girl not yet a woman. I'm a girl not yet a woman. I'm a woman. I'm a girl.

I can't decide who I am, what I am. I am female. This isn't a question of my sexuality, my sexual preference. I am attracted to males, to men. To men who are biologically male and who are socially male, socially heterosexual male. I am their opposite, a heterosexual biological, anatomical female.

No, I can't decide if I am a girl or if I am a woman. Socially, people say, "Welcome to womanhood!" when you get your period, because our anatomy is making the change from child to...pseudo adult.

People say you're a woman when you've had sex.

Sarah K is very offended when she is referred to as a girl, because, I am projecting that she is offended that you are undermining her experience and her age, based on one's opinion of her, perhaps basing and making assumptions on her physical appearance or mannerisms, when in fact she is an adult.

Legally you are seen as a adult in this country at 18 years of age. You are still a teenager until 20.

This is the last year I am a teenager. This is the last year, I will have teen in my age.

I am female. I was born female, a little girl to some woman in some country across the sea from this one. I was my parents' little girl. Then by physical means, I became a young woman in seventh grade, during Thanksgiving when I menstruated for the first time. I was still a girl, because I was not an adult and I was not a teenager.

I am a college student. I am at a women's college. It's not politically correct to call my school an "all girls school", because there are mature women of many generations attending this college. But I am not offended when people call me a girl, because frankly I am not a woman by some social means.

I am not ashamed to say that I am a virgin and I am upset when people think I should be ashamed of this fact. The fact I am made to be ashamed of this fact or praised by religious people, makes me upset. I am a virgin, because of me. Me. And no one else.

So, I am not a woman. Nobody has "made" me a woman. Nobody has "made" a woman out of me. By penetrating my body.

So I am not an honest woman either. I am not cheating anybody or lying to anybody. I do cheat and I do lie. But I am a single, non honest woman. Nobody has made an honest woman out of me. By proposing to marry me. Well, that is jumping ahead of the "game." A "game", I have already discussed in great deal and would like to be exempt from.

And yet, I am not a girl. I am not a child, no matter how I behave or how I act, or how I dress or how young, how youthful I appear in comparison to other females of my age. I am 19. I am a college student. I am a student at a women's college. Yes, I am a woman. But I am also a girl.

Fuck anybody who says that crying is a girl thing. Everybody deserves to cry. Male or female. Fuck you, let the boys cry. Let the men cry. Don't go saying for your son or your guy friend not to cry, because I'm sure you're a snot faced baby when you're alone in your room. Everybody cries.

I just hate crying in front of people. My family. My friends. The only person who I could cry without any fear was Jennifer. So, in the seemingly solitary confinement of my space, her spirit can see me cry.

I am not a girl, because I cry. I am not a girl, because I haven't had sex. I am not a woman, because I go to a women's college or because Sarah K wants to be referred to as a woman and not a girl. I am neither a woman or a girl. I'm not ready to be an adult, but I am one. I was scared of being an adult my whole life and lay awake worrying about the future when I was in seventh grade, because it's terrifying being an adult. The world is suddenly very small and very large. The world is suddenly not as friendly or inviting. Suddenly there are rules, regulations and dangers. People hate you. People love you. People. People. People. People just don't care.

I miss being a child. Innocence is associated with sex, being innocent and untouched, virginity. "Touched for the very first time." Innocence is seen as positive and negative. It's tainted and polluted by sexual beings.

I miss being a child. I was innocent of sex. I was unknown to danger. I was blind and blissfully ignorant. And Jennifer was alive and in my arms.

Can you blame me for trying to stall the future? Can you blame me for fearing what I am now?

I realized that I would hate myself should I go back into the past and try to befriend my old self. I made fun of myself and chided myself for wearing sweatshirts, sweatpants, thick glasses and braces. I wore anything that was loose and comfortable, I kept my hair docked short and unstyled, I wore running shoes as regular shoes. I couldn't even look at myself, because I thought I was ugly. No, I was the bravest person I knew. And I should honor that girl. That girl that I miss.

I have become so weak. I let people get to me. I let myself be tainted and confused. Be swayed and almost convinced to change. And yet, I didn't change. I'm still a virgin aren't I? Because I don't believe in convention, tradition and sex. I don't believe. So there is some strength in me yet.

But we wouldn't have been friends me and I. I wouldn't have been friends with me. I wear make up, style my hair, dyed my hair once and don't have a dog. I couldn't have been me.

I still wonder where I went. And where I'm going. And what will become of me.

So Britney, was singing about being a girl and not yet a woman when I was young. She's not really singing much these days. Not much that's worth listening to I guess.

I am a girl.
I am a woman.

The kid in you? No. They died.

The kid in me. Yes, her name is Laura. She's just shy. She's hiding.