Dear You
I shouldn't have looked for them. I shouldn't have delved into the past. I shouldn't be listening to "Undisclosed Desire" by Muse right now, especially now. Now I'm wondering who you became and who were you were and who you are. I wonder if you've changed for the better, for the good and for the worse. You are men now not the boys you were before. Why did I look for you? And what can the brief tell me about you? Are you just as humorous as I remember? You seem older than you really are and I young, so much younger. I am just as stupid as when you left me. Not that's not right. You didn't leave me. You left. But not me. What is worse, that you didn't leave me? Or that you left? You were never mine. I was never yours. No. Just undisclosed desire.
God, I wonder if you're still as funny. If you were still swear as much. If you let yourself get swell headed or if you're still that sweet goofy guy who was gentle and kind. Or maybe I thought of you in only one dimension, the only one I saw and the only one I know and knew. Is it because your funny that you look like that? Or has something within you changed profoundly that would disappoint me if we ever met again? Not make me abandon you, but disappoint that if dreams were so and desire was disclosed, I could never have you and not because you were with someone, but because you would never like me, but not me but what social construct and what organs I possess?
So much has happened since we were in that class. So much has happened and some things well all the things I know and I am, have well, not stayed the same. I'm just saying the same thing. I just know, that this morning I read you from me and I saw you, but I shouldn't have. I shouldn't have been so curious and now I'm afraid I only have a Wish and a Dream, but I shall never ever have them again.
What did you take with you and what did you leave behind? What did you adapt? What did you create? Would we still laugh if we were together? Would you make me shy? Would you make me worry? Would you disappoint? I wonder. I wonder.
The last I heard of you, you could have done so much. Did you give up? Or have you done something amazing?
The last I heard of you, you were on the lips and the eyes and the ears and the mind and the flutter of a girlish heart, from my best friend. You were carried on her voice and she snapped my delicate strings, those veins and vessels that only connect to mere memories and it is foolish, I am foolish, because I still care. You saw her and she saw you. Of course, you do not see me. I cannot anger and only regret.
Why do I care? Why do I feel? The years keep going on and on and on. I shouldn't, because it's silly. It's stagnant. It's unchanging. We were apart and we will be, because that is how it is.
And yet, I become young again when I think of you and when I read of you. I regret because I was there once and you were too. We were at the same place and same time. But things are meant to be and happen for a reason, don't they? I do not regret what was done and what was not, but I wonder what would have happened if I had been brave or if you were who I thought you were.
I know I am most likely wrong though there were some rights. Perhaps you were corrupted then and are now, but that memory of you I cherish and I like best.
I shouldn't have gone looking for you. I shouldn't. I shouldn't. I shouldn't.
God, I wonder if you're still as funny. If you were still swear as much. If you let yourself get swell headed or if you're still that sweet goofy guy who was gentle and kind. Or maybe I thought of you in only one dimension, the only one I saw and the only one I know and knew. Is it because your funny that you look like that? Or has something within you changed profoundly that would disappoint me if we ever met again? Not make me abandon you, but disappoint that if dreams were so and desire was disclosed, I could never have you and not because you were with someone, but because you would never like me, but not me but what social construct and what organs I possess?
So much has happened since we were in that class. So much has happened and some things well all the things I know and I am, have well, not stayed the same. I'm just saying the same thing. I just know, that this morning I read you from me and I saw you, but I shouldn't have. I shouldn't have been so curious and now I'm afraid I only have a Wish and a Dream, but I shall never ever have them again.
What did you take with you and what did you leave behind? What did you adapt? What did you create? Would we still laugh if we were together? Would you make me shy? Would you make me worry? Would you disappoint? I wonder. I wonder.
The last I heard of you, you could have done so much. Did you give up? Or have you done something amazing?
The last I heard of you, you were on the lips and the eyes and the ears and the mind and the flutter of a girlish heart, from my best friend. You were carried on her voice and she snapped my delicate strings, those veins and vessels that only connect to mere memories and it is foolish, I am foolish, because I still care. You saw her and she saw you. Of course, you do not see me. I cannot anger and only regret.
Why do I care? Why do I feel? The years keep going on and on and on. I shouldn't, because it's silly. It's stagnant. It's unchanging. We were apart and we will be, because that is how it is.
And yet, I become young again when I think of you and when I read of you. I regret because I was there once and you were too. We were at the same place and same time. But things are meant to be and happen for a reason, don't they? I do not regret what was done and what was not, but I wonder what would have happened if I had been brave or if you were who I thought you were.
I know I am most likely wrong though there were some rights. Perhaps you were corrupted then and are now, but that memory of you I cherish and I like best.
I shouldn't have gone looking for you. I shouldn't. I shouldn't. I shouldn't.
posted by Chinny at
1:21 AM
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