Should be eslewhere but couldn't resist..

I should be finishing my Ethnic Studies Take Home, but I couldn't resist. I haven't had the urge to write in so long and I felt like it was time. Well, so much has happened. I don't really know how or what to write first, but I suppose I shall compile a rather lengthy list of the latest happenings now that the year is officially concluding:

1.) Went to college
2.) Made new friends: Sarah x 2, Shameeny, Ana, Stefanie, Stephanie, Kristin, Nena, Keyonce, Melonge Kelly, etc etc etc

Seriously I could name most of college. There are just so many people I've come to really adore here. I'm so happy I came. I made a great choice.

3.) Dad got cancer
4.) Lion has a boyfriend
5.) I got fatter, way fatter. Borderling on Bridget Jones fat.
6.) I started cursing verbally more frequently
7.) I went to clubs
8.) I danced with a guy, sort of
9.) I have, as of now, a 81.24%, I HAVE A B!

I know there is more, but I don't...I can't recall what I'm should write. Oh wait, I just remembered, I saw "The Siege" and "GHOST." I learned that I'm really concerned with Ethnic Studies. I learned how to use the public transit and I'm certainly not an expert, but I will get there eventually.

And things I didn't learn...I'm still single. And my sexuality? Well, I am straight. I am straight and I'm not denying myself or stopping myself or deluding myself. I am straight. I am attracted to men. I wonder about sexuality, because I find it fascinating. And I find it frusterating. Like religion.

Why is it that people can't just be free to love each other? It is it crime to love someone? Why do we have to force people to love people they don't love? Why is it so wrong to love a man or love a woman? Or both? People are so simple minded. I love people. I was thinking to myself. I could be bisexual, but only if something really happened to me so that I changed significantly enough to become attracted to women.

I mean, I find women attractive and I can say so. I suppose the butch-er a woman is, I can find myself being attracted, but only because she is masculine. It's because she mirrors a man. If she does not, I am envious of her body, her beautiful and her curves. I don't want her. I want her looks. I am attracted to men.

I could never be attracted only women. Not unless something really happened. I mean really happened. Something chemical, mental...

A women's college makes you think about things like this. Sexuality, image and expression. Voice. You think about these things. It's not as bad as people think it is. Women's colleges, well at least this one, is amazing. I love it here. I don't want it to ever change.

Anyway, one thing I don't like about women's college is the fact people think I'm a feminist or a lebsian. I am not a feminazi and I just got done saying quite honestly how I feel sexually. I want things to be equal and just like everyone is a little racist, you are a sexist as well. I admit I am a little sexist, but I want things to be equal and I am trying to change my attitude.

I was telling Shameeny I think it'll be a long, four lonely years before I begin dating. Nobody is interested in me. Except grinding, feeling me up and trying to entice me to drink myself into their bed. Yeah, a few things I have decided I am not going to indulge in: alcohol, substances and sex. I don't need them. They certainly don't need me. They are women more willing and easy.

I want to agree to disagree. I want committement, but I don't want a relationship. I want to date and I want friendships. I don't want to be a rebound girl anymore.

But aside from those petty things. I just my home life to heal itself. Lion is a mess. My mom is aging rapidly from being overworked while I'm not there. And Dad, he's recovering but cancer is a timebomb. Lion could be more helpful but she's a sugar, comp junkie.