Smothered Sonny-Boy

OK. Everything should be fixed in my life right? I got into college. My first choice, I should mention.

Then why do I feel the same? I still feel tired, strained and upset. I'm still plump, still pudgy.

I remain unmotivated and snappy. I still could bite your head off if I particularly feel bad.

I guess I really am depressed. I was hoping it would go away as soon as I got into college...A COLLEGE that I wanted to go to, but nothing. Zip. I am happy. I really am. But not nearly as happy as I thought I'd be. I'm just like, "I'm glad." My parents are happier than I am.

Maybe I'm just exhausted. I'm so lazy. Senoritis is so much more strong than I thought it'd be. I really have developed a "I don't care, but I should, because I could fail" attitude.

For example, I have a Gov paper I should be writing. It's long and tough and uber important, but I have no idea what to write. No words are coming from me. It SUCKS. And I have an article to write and math to do.

I wish I had energy and motivation and inspiration to them all. But I'm so tired. All I want to do is sleep.

And now I've got people talking to me about relationships or mentioning theirs and their success. God. Could I feel even more like a loser? Need I be reminded how I've never dated before? I've been out on like...unofficial dates. I mean boy and girl go out alone together. That sort of thing. Never like a date date. And now I'm personally in no rush.

I just wish people would leave me and my single status alone. I know exactly how Bridget Jones felt. In fact the opening of the trailer is totally me.

"So how's your love life?"

"How's your love life?"

"How's your love life?"

Yes. I know exactly what it sounds like. Even not hearing it physically, but hearing it visually online. Or in other various forms. The answer my friends will always be the same:

NONEXISTENT~!

At least for now. I do not think I will have a boyfriend for a looong time. Because the chances of me finding a guy at school are highly unlikely and well...In college, provided I go to my first choice there are no guys except in the graduate program. I'm not deterred though, because I do not have many guy friends now, so I figure I'm not really going to miss much. Besides, I'll be going to the nearby co-ed school for language.

Whatever. I'd be such a bad girlfriend anyway. I'm so anal right now, no guy in his right mind would want me anyway.

As long as my friends have a little place for me to grow old in their house and promise never to forget me and let me babysit their children....I'm all good. I can survive on friends. Provided none of them get bored of me or all secretly hate me or something...I don't know.