Life, in which there is a mutual hatred

I hate life and it appears to hate me as well. I'm sitting here with Physio looming over me, a gigantic, corpulent shadow of hell, in epic proportions with the head (aka the teacher) rendering our grades helpless as she weights down upon us. In addition to other things, it has come to my mother and my physician's attention that I should undergo counseling, despite my doctor saying that I am quite leveled headed despite all the things I have come to despise in these past few months. Well, what I mean is, that although I am handling things well and not actually acting upon my emotions, I still should talk to somebody.

Cue best friend. Best friend or friends or friends without the "best" attached. Well, I don't want to burden them, so I don't want to talk to them. Besides, I've found my ability to open up to people has been recently compromised. I just don't feel like talking to adults. People my age even. That's not normal. Oh well.

Anyway, the source of my current annoyance: the fact I cannot go to VV's B-Day party. OK, elementary and immature right? Well if it wasn't for my mother saying, "I'm sure you can see her and Chow in the next six weeks."

That's when I stormed out. Like HELL I WILL. What sort of idiocy is my mother under the influence of? OK, I could believe that little sentiment if it was anyone other than VV and Chow. My father dislikes them, but he's softened over the years. But Life hates me also. And most likely Fate as well. Although, I am certain you determine you own fate based upon your actions. Anyway, since Life hates me. I won't see VV or Chow.

They live far away. Chow is brilliant. Chow always busy when I'm not and free when I'm not. VV is always free and wanting to see me, but I can't. I'm so trapped. If I give into every time they are free, I won't focus, I won't study which means I won't graduate, I won't be accepted into college. I can't do everything and anything at the same time. I'm as fast as I'm slow.

And I hate people as much as I enjoy them.

I don't think I was meant to be a human. My emotions are too simplified or too complex to explain. Animals. We look upon them as creature below our feet. Some are unintelligent while others, I can only imagine how they think and what they think. They don't have vocal cords like we do. They can't understand us. Or maybe they do and that is why they avoid humans. They're smart. I would also. For every Good there appear to be ten kinds of Evil.

We are as amazing as we are pathetic. There's not a fine line between either. How we worship Gods or put people of our own kind upon pedastels because they are supposedly perfect. But if you think about it...What makes a celeberity anymore important than everyone else? I mean really. Beyond beauty, singing, acting abilities. They are just as flawed and perhaps more so. Some indulge in drugs, sex and violence and try to get away with everything because of their million dollar name. I don't understand.

On the news today there was a report about a mob of obsessed Twilight Fans that made chaos in an SF Mall because of Robert Pattison. Personally, I don't find him aboslutely attractive. As for the book...I have my strong opinions on the series. Bravo Meyers, you have suceeded in creating a mass cult following. I can't say that is a good thing. How terrifying it is to think how girls believe "Twilight" is some sort of Bible. They can't get enough of it and create a mob? How sad.

Anyway. Edward Cullen may be amazing, but I'm foreverly partial to wolves. Jacob Black.

But as for Bella. Well, "so the Lion fell in love with the Lamb." Ha! I say, barbeque that lesser Lamb and feed it to the Lion and the Wolf. She is undeserving of their attentions.

But my cynicisim lies far beyond the mere boundries of the "Twilight" saga. I'm just unhappy. We spoke about yesterday: my physician, my mother and me. It was pointed out how I use "mother" and "father" these days instead of "dad" and "mom." I called my parents, "dad" and "mom." Because I love them of course. But as my anger increases I use "mother" and "father", not to their face.

I won't stop loving them. Love isn't a fickle emotion. That is why a tryst is not classified as love. That is why words or callings exist for such flighty relationships. Fission. Crushes. Flings. One night stand. That isn't love. I hardly know what love is and I'm far too cynical now to try to understand. I'm far too inexperienced. I hate to think of myself as desperate. More desolate. Desolate are my chances.

And so are my chances or were my chances of seeing VV and Chow. I won't see them today or in six weeks. I'll see them next year. Maybe.

Maybe I won't see anyone.