Freaking mad

I think I've become like terminally angry. I don't think that's an actually state of being, but that's certainly a way to describe how I feel and have felt since the day summer ended.

I'm just so angry and frustrated. I know I'm bemoaned and wrote about this fact before, but yeah...It's how I am and how I will be, until...I don't know. I'm angry at not everything or just anything, but certain things. My tolerance is wearing thin for people who think they can just walk all over me, get near and think that I don't mind, because I'm me. 'Oh Chinny won't mind this' 'Oh, Chinny won't mind that.' I mind very much. Thanks for NOT asking.

I hate being pushed around. I hate being controlled. I have the feeling of oppression. I hate that feeling that I'm being constrained and forced into a molding, to bow down and serve some "higher" being. I'm so angry right now.

I can feel it course from the core to my finger tips. It's in my shoulders, my back down to the spine and all my nerve endings. My eyes are blistered from the glare of the computer screen and the laser eye beams boring into my back. I know those eyes are watching me. Cursing me. Trying to see what I'm doing and what I'm not doing. If only I could flip inside out and those eyes would fall from their sockets, shrivel where they stand, because they'd erupt in flames. I'm pouring out venom and seething here, while those eyes are elsewhere.

They're sitting in another room. On another computer. Plotting how to punish me.

But those eyes aren't the only person I'm mad at. Mad, is such an understatement. Annoyed at. Angry with. Pick your poison, the meanings are all the same.

They just can't leave me alone. Why am I their victim? Maybe they aren't and I am. Or the other way around. Whatever. I want to be alone as much as I hate it. I just want to be left alone.

She won't go. She doesn't understand. She cannot fathom, no, she doesn't know at all. She has no idea. No freaking idea how it irritates me. Her mind is wrapped around some notion. She's confused as much as I am perplex. How funny truth and confusion go hand in hand. Where is the truth? I want it. I need it right now.

She won't leave me alone. He won't leave me alone. They won't leave me alone. Those eyes or that stench.

She waits for me everyday. He waits for me everyday. They're always there. Waiting, waiting.

Now, I'll be cut off, I'll be severed from the cyberworld, because of his lack of understanding.

Leave me alone.